Ninja Shopping: Yarn Edition

In my world, this would be heaven.  Just...sigh.  Yeah, I love yarn.  It's a weird obsession but I can assure you there are millions of women just like me (and men, yo!) that share this affinity for bits of colorful string.  If  you've don't believe me, feel free to take a gander on one of the web's biggest social media websites, Ravelry.  It's insane and huge and full of yarnies, male and female.

So, I love yarn, but I also love saving money.  If you saw my yarn stash (a picture?  Get real!  The CIA is watching me now and any suspicious activity is recorded.  They would put surveillance on me faster than and foreigner buying chemicals off eBay...)  You'd wonder how on earth I could afford such a gluttonous amount of yarn and still have food in the house.  Although it may mean less yarn for me, I feel it's time to share a few secrets with my fellow fiber fiends ;)  You too can have a copious amount of yarn in your house for mere pennies ;)

1.  Never ever ever pay full price for yarn, unless it's a yarn that never goes on sale, ever.  The only place I'll budge on this is Knit Picks.  They already have lovely prices and offer free shipping after $50, but I do have to tell you....wait until SOMETHING is on sale to get the items that aren't.  They routinely clearance out discontinued yarns and colors, making it well worth your while to wait a bit.  I recently scored some mega clearance cotton/linen yarn because the color was being discontinued.  I think it was $1.20ish per skein when it's usually $3 or so.  Also, they have huge sales right around Cyber Monday, so if you love Knit Picks, this is the time to hit it!

2. Persue destashes.  I used to pass over destash posts that listed the really hoity toity yarns in the title.  I figured I couldn't afford anything they were selling (or rather, I wouldn't choose to afford it.  I don't get the $23 sock yarn thing.  Yes, they are gorgeous, but seriously..I just can't pay that much for something I'll wear on my feet. Just won't do it) but I digress.  The point is sometimes in these higher end destashes you'll find some of the basic acrylics and cottons and what have you listed "just pay shipping."  See when someone gets bitten by the "good yarn bug" those craft store basics are just an annoying reminder of how much better their yarn tastes have become.  They don't care about making anything from these yarns, they just want them to go to a good home.  I've scored a LOT of good basic yarn this way...yarn I'm not too fancy to use ;)  Like...Vanna's Choice for $2 a skein, shipped to me.  Now, that's not a huge savings over buying at the craft store with a coupon, but even with a coupon I have to drive 30+ minutes, plus I can only get one at the 40% off.  The savings really add up!  If you love a particular yarn, always check the destashes for it.  My favorite yarn is listed right now for a bit more than I want to pay, but I just snagged 5 skeins of it for $12.00.  It retailed for $10 per skein.  I made out!!

3. Know where to shop for the best deals.  I have two websites I'd like you to get really familiar with.  The first is Little Knits  Just last week they were clearancing some really, really nice yarn for $11.00 per bag.  Dudes, that is wayyyy cheaper than even box store yarns and it was seriously nice stuff.  They frequently have sales where buying by the bag saves you up to 80% of the retail costs.  It's just wowish.  The second website is www.discontinuedbrandnameyarn.com  Now, the first time I looked at this website, I wasn't impressed.  They didn't have anything that interested me.  But I still looked.  It's yarn porn right.  I was SHOCKED when I started looking through the worsted weights and found Bernant Cotton Tots and Lion Brand Cotton ease for $1.25 per skein!  They are a business that deals with both estate sales and stores closing so the inventory is always changing.  They also run specials where the bargain yarns are further clearanced by up to 60%.  Wrap your head around yarn that's already 75% off retail and then marked 60% off the marked down price. Cha=ching.  Super nice yarn for mere pennies.  (Really, less than a buck sometimes!! Not kidding!)

3. Buy in bulk.  There's another website worth keeping your eye on BUT you have to buy at least $50 AND the shipping is $12.95 regardless of your order.  Smileys Now before you freak out and think "That's ridiculous" keep your mind open.  Once I ordered hundreds of skeins of yarn, coop style (I ordered, had it delivered to me and then sent the yarn out to the new owners) and we all got a great deal.  Since the yarn is so low to begin with, getting to $50 of merchandise means getting a LOT of yarn.  They don't always have the best stuff, but they also do yarn closeouts and sometimes there is something you just cannot pass up.  I was super pissed when I realized this place had, at one point, my beloved Jaeger Roma for 1.99 per ball in all the colors.  I would have gladly ordered $50 worth of this yarn had I known it was there....(By the way, if you're epileptic or might be, this site might cause you harm.  It's the worst website design I've ever seen!!)

4. Keep an eye on the Ravelry group "Yarn Sales."  This is where I found out Joann's was having a mega clearance sale, with 50% off the clearance prices, making the yarn I scored .88 per skein (plus an extra 15% off that with my teacher discount card)  I also happened to see a post when a yarn company was selling a yarn for $1.38 per skein on special, with free shipping after $30.  That yarn is now $4ish dollars, so it was a really good deal and I LOVED the yarn.  I don't get too excited about yarn sales until we're in the $1-2 range regardless of the original retail price.  I just feel like anything that cost a bunch in the first place...well..it's not something I'm comfortable with.  Yes, I like to knit, but I like to eat too!!

5. Thrift shopping/sweater harvesting.  There's an entire group that goes into the basics of harvesting high end sweaters for yarn.  I have an impressive stash of cashmere yarn from unraveling.  When you think about getting a sweater's worth of yarn for $4ish dollars, it can blow your mind.  You have to know what to look for, so if this is an option you'd like to pursue, spending some time researching the dos and don'ts.  You'd be really surprised at what loveliness you can find cast off in the thrift stores!  I haven't bought a LOT of yarn from the thrift store, but a couple skeins have come home with me ;)

6. And speaking of thrift stores...how about Shop Goodwill  I used to look at the yarn and think "Pfft...whatever..it's all crap.." but I recently stumbled across an auction that had a couple knitting needles that caught my eye (more on that later)  It was a full bag of neutral colored yarns in a brand new knitting bag with knitting needles.  I put that lot in my watch list and looked at the locations other auctions.  You see, with Shop Goodwill, the shipping prices will seem outrageous to you.  That lot I was watching had a shipping cost of $14, making it a crappy deal in the end.  However...what most people don't know is that the shipping price stays the same if you win more than one auction.  Sooooo...I bid on two.  In the end, I paid $28.00.  Only $28.00 which included the shipping.  I got MANY, MANY balls of Lily Cream and Sugar (which I use for washcloths), several skeins of acrylic in white and cream, 2 brand new knitting bags, a set of size 13 straight needles (brand new in the package), a set of size 3 DPNS (brand new in package), 7 skeins of Red Heart Super Saver with the Hobby Lobby tags on them (not my fav yarn, but as I'm making toys I'm finding it's actually the perfect yarn for the job) and....those knitting needles.  Addi Turbos. Dudes, if you know knitting needles, you realize I just got everything else in that box for free because those are pricey little suckers.  When I bought mine in the local yarn shop they were $17 a pair.  And I got TWO, brand new, all that other stuff, and it all shipped to me for less than the cost of the new knitting needles.  Yarn shopping ninja at your service!!

7. Obscure places.  Tuesday Morning has yarn.  Did you know that?  It's all high end, discontinued.  I don't get too excited about it because again, it's more than I like paying, however when they put those magical orange or pink stickers on them, then it's in my range.  Just got two skeins of Louisa Harding Kashmir for 2.29 a ball.  That's a GOOD price.  I've recently been enlightened about Big Lots (see that post a couple pages back) and it's really good stuff for $1 a ball.  Apparently, from what I can gather, Christmas Tree Shoppes also sells the Gala mixed fiber and some Dollar Stores also carry this type of yarn.  Back when Peaches and Cream went out of business (so sad) Dollar Trees across America were the place to find the remaining stock.  People were going crazy buying it all up!!

8.  Etsy.  Search "destash yarn." You're going to find some real stinkers trying to sell cheap yarn they got from Smileys or Big Lots.  Those people suck and I hate them.  However, some people really are destashing and you can find some amazing deals if you are willing to wade through the crap.  I have purchased a bunch of nice stuff for $15 or so per lot!

9. Free is always good.  One time, on Craigslist, a lady was clearing out all her yarn.  She had SEVERAL BAGS listed and I inquired about ONE, as I didn't want to be a pig about free yarn.  Well, she was insistent I just take it all, that way she wasn't sitting around waiting on a bunch of people to come get multiple bags.  I gave a lot away, but some stuff, even though it wasn't to my liking, I kept and traded with people who would like it (On Karma Yarn Swaps, a group on Rav)  Put feelers out on Craigslist and Freecycle or like groups if you're in need of yarn..

10.  There are many, many other websites that run amazing specials (www.yarn.com or Webs has a deal of the day and they are always a good deal) but I specifically focused on places I have actually used myself.  Keeping an eye on the sales group will give you a good feel for where to check daily.  Little Knits for example, they threw that $11 a bag yarn up out of the blue and I was just checking on the site and happened to notice it.  It went FAST.  (In case you were wondering WHAT yarn was $11 a bag, it was all Nashua.  Snowbird, Grand Opera, Champlain and Granite...nice stuff!!)

And those are my ninja yarn shopping tips for yarnies on a budget.  My yarn stash is significant...and yet I have seven children, animals, a house that we're remodeling and we haven't eaten Ramen for dinner like ever ;)  A nice stash can be built up if you are patient, diligent and if your significant other doesn't oppose you on it ;)

Choose Your Own Adventure: Teenager Edition

I've spend the better part of the last few days selecting next school year's curriculum and agonizing over the decisions I've had to make.  There's nothing like looking through hundreds of good choices to make you feel inadequate and wishing you had more time to do all the cool things available.

This is also the time where I feel a little mournful.  It just goes with the territory.

And I have a high schooler.  He's entering the 10th grade this year and all the things he HAS to do are hanging over both our heads.  It's overwhelming.

The thing is, after some self examination, I realize I am leaning towards jealousy of some kind when it comes to my teenager.  You see, he has resources available to him I could only dream about as a child.  While we aren't rich by any means, we do not skimp when it comes to our children's education and we will jump though fiery, poison shooting hoops to make sure every possible opportunity is pursued.  I wish with every ounce of my being that he would see this buffet set before him and would take advantage of it.

When it comes to his character, I have zero complaints.  His heart is good, for the most part, and he really does appear to be a responsible, productive member of society.  But he's got a little of that having the cake and eating it too mentality.  For example, he wants to spend hours on filming, but not on schoolwork....which is what will ultimately propel him to a place where he can go to school for film.  This is so hard to make him  understand and honestly...it's hard to explain to him.  In order to do that thing you love you need to spend more time on things you don't...and it doesn't really make sense logically.  You'd think if you want to do something you'd have to spend time on that actual thing, not the other stuff that has nothing to do with that thing.  But that's how the world works and it's really hard to paint that picture for a child who doesn't understand it.

So today, inspiration struck.  I need to write a book.  You know those cool books from our youth that allowed you to pick the way the story would go based on different choices that had you flipping to different pages with different outcomes.  I need to write a teenage edition that goes something like this...

"You're in your room. You have 2 hours before dinner and you know you need to do your math homework. You really just want to kill a few bad guys with your wireless remote...

-You choose your math homework, flip to page 24.
                or
-Pfft.  Math is boring.  Bang, bang, shoot em up, flip to  page 56."

Page 24 reads.  "Congratulations, because of your diligence in completing all assigned school work and your efforts in your academic responsibilities you have been accepted to college to pursue your dream of going to film school and by the way here's a cool scholarship that will keep you from paying for college for the next 40 years.  Well done!"

Page 56.  "Please fill out 37 forms to receive your monthly allotment of food stamps.  Rumor has it that Wal-mart just a huge shipment of 78 inch TVs for display and the boxes are still out back. Hot DAMN, you always wanted to build your own house and now you can!  Don't worry about the rain, you need a bath anyways.  Don't you wish you had chosen your homework instead?"

Our children are growing up in affluence, to a certain extent, and I don't think they quite realize they are living off someone else's success.  They have seen their Dad work his tush off to get to this place, but they don't remember the lean years with much clarity.  Every day we push them towards the ideal that hard work is necessary to achieve all those things in life that are the most important.

And some days I just want to throw in the towel. That's just the plain, honest truth.  I go through all the possible scenarios...I make lists and schedules and check lists and then teeter between my responsibility of teaching them to manage their time and my gut feeling that they have to experience certain consequences for themselves as a reality check.

One thing I do know.  Parenting is really flippin hard.

The Ties That Bind: To My Husband on Father's Day

Dear Jamie,

So, we did get you a card.  It was cutesy and I know it came in the house with the rest of our Walmart loot, but the truth is, we can't find it. As soon as we do, we'll present it with fanfare but you do know it couldn't have possibly been enough words for my liking.  You know how much I like words, and since I like them so much, that's what I'm giving you this Father's Day.  My hope is that you'll like them a little more than the sack of cherries we got you ;)

You said something to me last night....about how TV Shows kind of piss you off because the married couples actually have time to spend together, even though they supposedly have kids.  Those kids are never around and they have time to hang out, talk, and you know, be married.  It's unrealistic you said, but really what you were expressing was how often we lament the lack of one on one time together, because let's face it....we don't get to nearly as much as we'd like.  We're parents.  That's how it goes.

And I know you think that those times draw us closer together as husband and wife, and they do, they really do, but Jamie you have no idea how close you draw me with the time you spend as a father.  You had my heart before children burst onto the scene, but once they did....that's what I really started to know you.  That's when all you are started to shine and when you started wrapping my heart with a million tiny strings that meant we'd be tied together forever.

Every time I walked into a room and saw you snoozing away with a sleeping baby on your chest...

Every time I heard squeals of delight and came to inspect, then saw you were at the center of my children's happiness....

Every time I caught you in the act of teaching these kids something and having fun with it.......

Every time you knew something you could do would change their world for the better and did it.....

Every time you've held one our new babies and stared at them in awe like they were the first.....

Every time you've taught a child to do something when it would be so much easier to do it yourself...

Every time you could have said "Kids, I'm trying to study...." but let them play at your feet because you would not allow your career to interfere with your role as The Dad.

You have always sought to serve your family and are keenly aware that the time we have with our children is, in the grand scheme of things, very brief.  You remind me often, but you're better at it than I am.....I get so caught up in the here and now and if it weren't for you, I'd miss it.  You've taught me to slow it down a bit and pay attention to these fleeting moments.

You know, Jamie, romance is all about showing the other person how much you love them.  It's spending time together and making sure the other person really sees your heart, but all that time you've spend with them instead of me....I saw you.

I saw you pass up time to spend doing something you love to build birdhouses with Eli.

I saw you spend over an hour with a teenager on the edge, even after a blowup and I saw you move him to tears.  You wouldn't let go no matter how hard he pushed you away and you stood that precious ground until his heart was softened and that relationship was restored.

I saw your fabulous teal toenails after a spa day with your diva daughter and the delight on her face as you showed them off.

I saw you wresting all over the un-vacuumed floor after noticing Noah was in dire need of some rough and tumble time.

I saw you rushing to get your work clothes off after a long, painful day of school to get working on the list you made to ensure you served everyone in between your long hours of study...making sure all the children got a little bit of you, on their terms, even though that meant nothing on that list served you.

I see you taking the kids fishing when I know how much you enjoy doing it alone and I've seen you hand your most prized possession to your young son without a second though. Every time I'm looking for you, I find you with one of our precious children, investing in their lives.

No, we don't have a lot of alone time.  We never have.  We started this parenting gig not too long after we got together and from that day, we decided these children would be the center of all the reasons we do everything we do.

What you don't realize is that every second you spend with your children, you are spending them with mine.  With me.  My heart is tied up with theirs and your love for them shows your love for me.  It's not quiet and softly-lit one on one bubble baths with champagne, but that loud, obnoxious craziness that only a house full of children can provide...and even above the noise and the chaos...I see you as only I could when you shine the most...

When you're being The Dad.

I love you more than I could ever express and am so thankful that you are the father I get to be a mother with.

Happy Father's Day.

Big Lots? Big Deal!

So a while back I heard a rumor.  This rumor indicated that Big Lots, the discount store sold....yarn.  What??!  For real?!?! Yes, yes they do.  But, when I went to check things out I was less than impressed.  Every single skein was labeled "mixed fibers." Boo. Hiss. Snort.  What was this crap?  And why was there so much of it and what was it anyways? Wool?  Acyrlic?  Mixed??  I left it all behind, no worse for the wear.

But then, I did some digging. I'm not sure what sparked it. Probably someone mentioned in somewhere (On Raverly) and so I started reading . And reading.  Well....what I learned was uhm, interesting.

You see...this yarn isn't crap.  It's actually the mill ends of luxury fibers from hoity toity brands of yarn and the "mixed fibers' label is just a generic label that's slapped on for resale.

And resell the do.  For $1.  ONE DOLLAR per skein.

And so I did what any responsible knitter does.  I checked it out.  Some may have come home with me.  A lot may have come home with me although my intentions were simply to check it out.

HOLY COW.  If you knit and you are adventurous, it's time you went to your local Big Lots and had a bit of a dig, because if you know fiber and you know what's what, you are gonna DIE.  I mean just DIE. Your brain isn't going to know how to act when your hands are touching alpaca and silk and the label reads $1.  You're going to feel dirty and shameful, not because you load up your basket, but because they are only going to ask you for ONE DOLLAR to take each of those home with you.  It's madness.  (By the way, the two Big Lots here in Augusta?  Give them a bit of time to restock.  Trust me.  If you're up in SC...have at it. I won't be making the trek.  Yet.  Bwhahahh!)\

Here's what you'll be looking for:

There will most likely be tons.  There will most likely be BIG balls of acrylic.  Pass that shiz up.  Go for these.  Touch, feel, see if you can guess what you're getting.  If in doubt and you love it, take it home and do a bleach or burn test, but for the love of Yarn, do not let the good stuff sit unappreciated.  Seriously dudes?  I KNOW I got alpaca and silk.  My hand is trained.  Also some cotton and other stuff.  I still can't believe my  haul (pictures you say?  No.  I would, still camera-less and I briefly thought about taking some on Jamie's phone, but then he'll have all these yarn pics in his gallery and he'll be reminded everyday his wife may be a little nuts.  Happy, but nuts!!)

And I was SUPPOSED to be on this thing called a "yarn diet."  I'm sure that's self-explanatory, but oh well. I have no impulse control apparently.  However, my yarn haul was cheaper than a hair do, still fits in my closet and will most likely be divided up and given away again at some point if I can't find anything the yarn wants to be.  So it's like I'm prebuying gifts.

And on that note, y'all want to hear about some recent toy scores?  Do ya?

(And as a side note, I was thinking about keeping up with my blog during my internet fast, as a way to record what I'm up to during it.  No Facebook, no email, but journaling on here.  Do you think that's cheating if I am not technically using the internet for other stuff?  I'm curious about thoughts on this!!

Faster and Fasting

I stood in the airport this weekend with the father of a newlywed daughter.  I lamented how fast life was going, not just the big stuff...but the days crammed full of stuff. Just stuff.  He said "And how old is your youngest?"  And I laughed when he said "Welp, it'll get slower in about 18ish years!"  He should know.  He has eight children, two jobs and a wife with two jobs and I could see it in his face...He knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.  Life is like a merry go round that keeps going faster until you beg for relief, or fall off on your rump.  I'm taking the easy way out so as to avoid landing on my arse.  I will graciously ask the conductor to let me off for just a few brief moments so I can catch my breath.

This has been a long time coming. My mind is suffering sheer exhaustion.  I am overwhelmed and over stimulated most days.  Something's got to give. And so, with full fanfare I've decide what that would be.

Dun-dun-dun....I'm taking an internet fast.  I know!! I know.  Craziness.  When I thought about all the stuff I'd have to do to prepare for this, my mind went a bit crazy!

I have to get all my library books on ILL NOW, so I'll be able to get them, arrange for Jamie to do Bountiful Baskets, make sure all my school peeps have my contact information, set an away message on my freelance boards, print out all my knitting patterns for current projects since I usually just look at a screen , finish 9 articles to finish out a contract, write down a ton of names/numbers and addresses for various things, order homeschool stuff and anything else we'll need for our month of downtime (Amazon anyone?? Can't be without my good stevia.) So much.  Just so much to severe the ties the internet has wrapped around me.

I'm not anti -internet at all.  I am just anti-time suck.  Yep, I get sucked in.  So many wonderful articles to read, blogs to follow, projects to look at, people to talk to and at the end of the time my brain is anything but calm and settled.  It's like it will not stop.  I can find something I love and then drive myself crazy looking at all the better things.  And then something even BETTER comes along and it's crazy making.

So what do I hope to gain from this?  Time.  Sanity.  Reality.  I want to be the manager of my time.  I want good enough to be good enough rather than one thing out of a bilion that I'm "giving a whirl."  I want my creativity back. I want to know that those I interact with are people I *WANT* to interact with and not just because they are a convenient person to interact with because we share the same internet space.  I want to know how much of my life is authentic and how much is lived for display purposes.  I can't answer those questions without doing this.

So from July 1st-August 1st, you won't be seeing me online.  Like at all.  If you need me, you'll have to use good old fashioned phones, letters or texts (hahahah!!!)  I am not stamping and stomping away, just slowly backing up to see, for myself, how much different life would be without so much "connection."  I'm all about connection but it's a good test to see how much effort one must put into REAL things to keep it real.  I'm sure it will suck.  And I'm sure I'll miss a lot, but hey it's good practice for the apocalypse right?

What would you do if you were without internet for a month?  What preps would you have to make?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Father Knows Best

There's something about Jamie most people don't know.  He has no clue who his father is.  Well, he has a CLUE, but not a good lead.  He was raised thinking this one man was his father and after two DNA tests it turns out...nope, not him.  There was one other guy his mom said it might be and we contacted him sometime back and after the initial momentum, the dude dropped the ball and we didn't pick it back up for him.  He wasn't really someone we wanted to be a big part of our life anyways, all things considered, but still...it has to be weird not knowing exactly who your dad is.

Jamie's main role model was his grandfather, who I hear was a pretty excellent guy. I never got a chance to know him. He passed away when I was two months shy of bringing Kyle into the world.  I know there are parts about him that show through in Jamie, but we still both wonder about his real dad.  I mean, especially when it comes to things like medical history.  Some guy out there has 7 grandkids and a really amazing man for a son, and he has nothing to do with him.  This just blows my mind on a regular basis.

But what amazes me even more is despite this glaring hole in Jamie's life, he is the most amazing father.  Balanced, fair, loving, inspiring, always on the lookout for ways to bless his wife and his children, compelling us to be better people.  His role is a hard one and he does it with amazing grace.  He has taken this role seriously and every now and then he calls me to the mat. I never love it, but I love him for it.

Yesterday was one such day and I just got one word for y'all: OUCH!!  He called me out big time and in doing so, called himself out and we had to deal with the fact that there is something we are screwing up.  I got really mad at the kids yesterday over something kind of lame.  They lost something I needed and this happens on a regular basis.  I get so offended, thinking they could at least TRY to consider me.  You know, the martyr thing.  Being upset about this thing wasn't the problem..my reaction was.  I apologized to everyone before I left, but still, Jamie noticed something and so he wrote me this big thing.  I was afraid to read it, so he paraphrased it and I was left feeling like...wow...you know what I mean?  He's right.

I could do the same thing I asked and paraphrase the whole thing, but I'll let his words speak for themselves.  I am humbled.

This morning you had promised something to someone that you do not know.  I understand that you were trying to bless someone with our excess.  You have a heart of giving, and that is a beautiful thing.  However, something went awry and some of the other parts that you had promised could not be found.  I understand that this embarrassed you.  It would do the same to me.  But the way that you responded was not appropriate.  You were very angry and dissatisfied with your family.  I wish that you would have stopped and looked at their faces.  Calla looked as if she could cry when she was outside looking.  You tore down your family and cut strings trying to serve someone else who is not part of this family.  You allowed your embarrassment to manifest as anger toward your family. 

This is a frequently occurring thing.  On many occasions you have something go missing and tend to think that the kids are out to get you.  Believe me, I know it is frustrating.  The boys take off with my tools (mainly Elijah) all of the time.  So what happens if I get angry and vent my frustration on them?  They will finally leave them alone.  And yes, I am guilty of that one.  Is that the outcome that I want?  Do I really want Eli to leave my tools alone?  If he didn't ever try to use them to create anything, I could probably always find them.  Is it so important to me to be able find things when I need them to stifle his development?  I don’t think that it is.

Think about the things that go missing for you or just messed with.  Knitting needles, crochet needles, makeup, pens, notebooks.  I am sure there are plenty other things that come to mind right now.  And I know that we have “lame brain” kids that leave things here and there and don’t pay attention.  Why do they mess with your things?  It is because they want to be like you.  Think about Eli building shit and playing the banjo.

 I would like to call to attention what the kitchen or your bedroom looks like when you are “creating” something.  A new dish or desert will leave things all over the place in the kitchen.  When sewing, there are scraps of fabric and needles all over the place.  When knitting or tearing apart a sweater little wisps of yarn abound.  Why is that?  Because you are in the moment and focused on creating something.  The thought on your mind is “I wonder what this will taste like or look like”.  And you can’t wait to share it with someone else and be proud of your creation.  I will do a similar thing when I am working on the house or something in the garage.  I am not thinking about the clean up or organization of things, I am thinking about what I have created.  Then, afterwards we have the responsibility developed in us to take action to remedy the situation.  The kids are not quite there yet, but when something does go missing it is an opportunity to develop them. 

Maybe the little bag of bottle parts got thrown into the trash.  I am sure they were probably on the floor.  With kids trying to clean up, they probably grabbed them with another pile of something and didn't even notice they were throwing away something of value.  I am sure that they were focused on making Mom happy by cleaning the van.  Also, I bet that kids look at donate stuff like trash.  It is something that they see as going away as if it is not important to us.  So why does it matter if it gets thrown away?  We don’t need it, right? 

The anger and frustration that we show your family when things like this happens is wrong.  We should not let material things get in the way of building relationships in our family.  Let’s do a hypothetical situation.  Let’s say Eli was messing with my banjo and dropped it and it broke in two pieces.  Would it benefit anything if I threw a hellacious fit?  He would already feel miserable that he did something that let me down.  That would build his character and cause him to be much more careful.  If I am forgiving of him and not condemning I will maintain a good relationship with him.  Maybe even tie some strings.  If I yell and throw a fit, he may decide he wants nothing to do with banjos ever again, and feel guilt that may stay with him for a lifetime. 

So what if they lose or destroy things?  The following verse comes to mind.

Matthew 6:20 - But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

Please take this to the cross with me Melissa.  I think that once we do, you will notice that this will no longer be a problem.   We need to take these opportunities that come as a chance to build their character, not tear it down.

He's right.  I am humbled.  Even after 15 years of doing this Mom gig, I'm still taking it to the cross.  Probably always will I suppose because I don't know where else I'd find such grace.  My frustrations might be based in righteousness but boy my reactions aren't.  To know better, is to do better, right??

If I'm the Apple, Where's My Tree??

It took me over thirty years to get to this place.  A place of remorse for not paying better attention.  Oh, I have memories, for sure....floaty, obscure memories, but they just don't quite get to answering questions I have and at this point it's almost too late.

My grandmother is well on her way to 90 years old, and we aren't particularly close.  That's just not how things are done in my family.  I know she loves me and I her, but we've never really had a connection like I eventually formed with my husband's grandmother.  Yet, I know somewhere, in some ways we are so alike and I wish I had noticed this long before now, before her frail body and mind become confused and not really able to have the talks I wish I could have with her.

And then there's my dad.  On a balmy Friday, a few hours before he was supposed to pick me up for the weekend, I was called home from a friend's house.  My mother and stepfather were sitting on the couch, serious faces...and I thought 'Oh  boy am I in trouble."  But I wasn't.  My father had suffered a fatal heart attack hours before and I wasn't to see him again.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that.  My father adored me and I have only good memories of him, however my older siblings have nothing but bad ones and so there's no one with whom I can talk to about what about me might be from him and that's been hard since becoming a mother.

Yet, I look at my own mother and know that all this crazy stuff about me had to come from somewhere other than her.  We are nothing alike.  She likes romance novels, I like non-fiction.  She isn't hands on with anything, I simply have to create.  I write, she does not.  Never did.  She likes numbers, I think they are devil's spawn.  I am frugal, she never used cash for anything that I can remember.  Simply put, I think I was adopted.  Or something.

Recently my mind has stumbled upon a memory that's so poignant yet so, well..... lame, and I've been mulling it over. And over.  I was sitting with in my grandmother's house, hosted for a few days for Christmas while Jamie was out to sea.  Kyle was a mere toddler and Calla was on her way.  My grandmother's living room looked differently than it had when I had  been there before, and she was explaining what she had done.  She first selected a floral couch that had a pink she loved, and then she found two Queen Anne chairs covered in a mauve silky looking fabric that complemented it nicely.  At yet another store she found an antique table with matching legs to the chairs and pulled off a very dainty, ladylike room.  She was proud of the coordinating blinds and everything was in it's place, tastefully and beautifully arranged.  She seemed so lively and invested in creating this beautiful space and I remember feeling in awe of her.  Here she was, well into the golden years and still had the passion to create a beautiful space in which to dwell.  My mother's house? Still has the same wall grouping she ordered from a mail order catalog back when I was like 12.  I swear, nothing has changed at all.  I go into the bathroom and giggle at the crap *I* put up on in walls in 7th grade, trying to recreate the beautiful homes of my friends, whose mothers kept them decorated and maintained   I was so embarrassed by my house when I was a child.  

Looking back at my father's house, in pictures, I do find it a bit odd that it's also tastefully (for the time) decorated and can't help but wonder why a bachelor had potted plants everywhere and hand-written scriptures and quotes tacked to the wall.  I wish I could ask him (or anyone about this) but my father is like the "One Who Shall Not Be Named" to anyone who knew him.  

So I am left wondering where this drive in ME comes from.  I love old things.  I have a passionate desire to fill my space with beauty, antiquity and things that tell the story of who I am and what I value.  I would never (evereverever) go into a store, find a set of things that look pretty and bring it into my home to decorate.  I feel like that's cheating and completely killing my creative spirit.  But this also means at times, my house looks downright tacky.  See, I've followed the advice in all my country living magazines that say "If you love it, bring it home and it will all be okay eventually."  Man, that's hard . I can't see the end picture or what it will look like and the thing is, you can't walk into an antique store and furnish your home the way you can with places like Rooms To Go.  (Funnily enough I LOVE the way those rooms look and feel...in other people's houses.  I find the cohesiveness relaxing, yet if I had to live with it every day, I couldn't handle it....why is that??)  I feel like I'm busy collecting orphans (in a totally non Angelina Jolie way.  My orphans are inanimate so I don't have to worry so much about killing my food budget) hoping they will all get along.  I have everything from old cast iron and vintage Pyrex, to antique furniture I've found here and there.  When I bring something in, it does look nice, but there are tweaks that need made and so far, I'm just not entirely happy with what I've got going. It's a process (Hey, that sounds my house in general.  Did I mention I think DIY remodeling should be against the law? Because when you go this route, your kitchen will suck for many years while you are busy on the rest of the house.)

Right now, I'm staring at my prized chairs from last year, knowing they desperately need recovered and not knowing how or what to do with them (You know what else should be against the law?  White, or cream, or ivory or anything remotely LIKE it being brought into a house with children.)

Remember these?

I had no delusions that these would last forever.  They are just too old for that fabric to survive in this house. When I placed both of these by the big window, within a couple weeks the fabric on the arms started to fade.  I am thinking these were originally in a place without a lot of natural light and you can see beyond all the flowers, these are technically white.

I've priced having them professional reupholstered and it's steep.  REALLY steep and if our house wasn't bustling with so much activity, that wouldn't bother me. But it is.  So even brand new upholstery job will eventually look....used.  (On a related note, I have actually considered having a lobotomy to remove that part of my brain which tells me it IS possible to have a home worthy of Better Homes and Gardens while raising a big family.  Then I realized that operation was kind of expensive and for a lower cost I could buy adequate breasts, and really, if I'm going under the knife...I'd just rather have spectacular cleavage  than realistic expectations when it's all said and done)

So the next logical thing to consider is slipcovers.  Only there isn't one on the entire planet (Fiji?  Yup I totally checked Fiji artisans on Etsy, they don't have them either) that will fit these chairs.  Wingbacks? Yes, but with t-cushions, not square.  They just do not exist.

Me sewing them you say? Bwhahaha! 

No.

Can I sew?  Yes.  Quite well actually.  And if the thing I'm sewing is one dimensional, like a quilt, I'm quite happy to do it.  Any more dimensions than that and I start channeling 1980's Eddie Murphy (my new reference when I'm embarrassed about my language proclivities)

And this is definitely multi-dimensional.  Apparently when you want to create a slipcover, you have to do all this pattern making, pinning, sewing, checking, pinning, sewing some more and this is just not going to happen.

I need a seamstress that won't want to kill me when he/she is done with making slipcovers for this.  I'm thinking of trying to find someone locally.

Unless someone out there can point me to non-ugly-properly fitting slipcovers for these.

Help?!?!