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Thursday, April 21, 2016

Dear Future Husbands (And wives)

Someday, if you're lucky and/or crazy, you, young man, might jump in to the biggest commitment imaginable: Marriage. An interesting union, for sure, this marriage thing, both blessing and curse and always tipping more towards one than the other any given day. And it's hard.

You enter in with hopes and dreams and an expectation that this other person, this girl, will fill every want, need and desire and for a time, she will. That's what being a newlywed is all about. It's new. It's flawless and easy. Exciting, yet comforting and it seems as though the entire world entered into existence just to allow this manifestation of perfect love.

Then life happens. And when life happens things will change. She will change. And you have to change with her.

Love her with every turn and she will love you. Support her in every struggle and she will support you. Embrace her flaws and she'll giggle, lovingly, at yours. It really is that easy. Let her be her and you will find yourself enjoying a new version of your lovely lover, each incarnation more exciting than the last.

Don't keep her from her passions because that fire inside her will keep you warm, even hot (if you know what I mean) Let her shine bright (yes, even without you) and you'll never be in the dark. Let her break down so you can help build her back up and don't make it about you. It's not (usually).

Don't compete with your kids for you wife's attention, rather compete with your wife for your kids attention and you'll always have hers.

But don't compete with her otherwise because you are two part of a whole. When she's weak, be strong. When she's strong, be humble.

Don't ask her to give up her life for yours. Her friends for yours. Her family for yours. SHE MATTERS.

Don't take more than you're willing to give, give more.

Don't own her, own you. Own all of you and let her do the same. That way each offering of yourself to each other is a gift, not an obligation.

Let her have her own favorite color, music, movie, food.....Yes, really. She doesn't have to like what you like for you to like it. Remember this.

Have and hold....not smother and consume. Until death do you part...don't kill her (figuratively and definitely not literally) because once dead inside, she has nothing to lose.

Be a witness to her growth, not her imperfections.

Value her.

Cherish her.

Listen, learn and grow.

No means no EVEN after I do (it wasn't a perpetual yes; let that sink in HARD)

Love isn't hard dudes. It's not. You do it for yourself every single day. So it's easy. Treat her like that. Or better.

And if you screw it up, on any day, say I'm sorry as fast as you can and mean it. And by mean it, don't repeat the thing you just said sorry for.

Give her grace and space and room and love.

Even if....

IF.....

She doesn't do the same....because at the end of the day.

You live with you.

And there exists no divorce from yourself outside death.

Choose wisely. Or choose blindly. It's up to you.

Jump in. Jump in with everything you have.....

Or don't jump in at all.

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