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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Put A Lid On It

I've always considered myself a very fair parent.  In all things, I try to respect my childrens' point of view, even when the differences might be hard to live with.  I've accepted they may not always share my faith, my philosophy, and they may even end up not liking knitting, or knit wear (Although that will never stop my efforts in bringing them over to the dark side.)  I'm cool when they ask the hard questions, give a little leeway when their child-like ways don't mesh with my adult need for order and I even let them make jokes at my expense sometimes (and even laugh.)
But there's a recurring trend happening in my house that I just cannot get behind at all. 
My children have all developed a religious objections to lids.
No, I'm serious..... you have any idea how much glue we go through?  I didn't know why, until I spotted this little diddy....

And just because you put the sugar up high, to keep it out of the reach of ninja toddler, does not mean it doesn't need a flippin lid....
 Yes, dude, I get that you like to use spices....and that you're a very creative and passionate cook.  The pizza DEFINITELY needed some ginger...but the ginger also needs A LID.
 Really?  This is just nasty.  Did you know liquid bbq sauce will morph into sludge without a lid? 
 And I'm not even going to harp on the lidless state of this jar, because the damn thing should have been dumped and washed.  This does not belong in my fridge.  Come ON people...
 I guess the next time we have an elf over for a spot of toast, we'll have just the right amount of solid jelly to peel off the bottom of this jar for a crunchy jelly sandwich.  WTF??
An aerosol CAN with no lid.  Do you have any idea how tempting such is for a ninja toddler.  Well, the instuctions did say it would take care of "jock itch" so if Noah has any sort of rash anywhere on his body, it's well taken care of now. 

 Yes, dear, you can apply some of my cheap, fake perfume....but remember....put the LID back on.  "Oh I will my next lifetime, I swear!!"
 Well the good news is they are using the mouth wash right?  Maybe.  Without a lid, we could be looking at good dental hygiene practices, or just some really expensive drain cleaner I suppose.  Dude....really??? 
Oh that's just some $25 per tube junk we don't need to protect from the ninja toddler who thinks it's gel candy.  I should disclose a lid wouldn't help in this instance anyways, and this tube needs to be out of sight completely for it's own protection, but still...that hard crap that gets on the end of an open tube is beyond nasty...

But we got smart and started buying toothpaste with the lid attached...HAHAHAHA....not.  Really, is there some kind of physical pain associated with closing something that is open?  What would Freud say about this?

He'd say, "Damn your kids have serious issues.  They don't finish what they start and can't be bothered to use lids.  They need drugs...."

Not even the fear of losing the ability to turn on the TV scares my children....and this is saying a lot considering we now have a TV that won't even turn ON without a remote...
I've trained my children ot put everything where it goes, via a lot of training and threatening and profuse labeling of all household items to the point you'd think I run a kindergarten out of my home.  I've considered, briefly, labeling lids...with the ever creative word "LID" but if the lid is lost, it doesn't do much good to have it labeled...
I'm working on a plan, I really am.  I think some superglue might be involved.  If not to teach my children a lesson in lid replacement, than for my own amusement!
If I can get the religious lid objection under control, my next task will be to transform their belief that walking around a mess, willing it to clean itself will never work.  Because even after years of it NOT working, they still give it a try every now and then.
For now, I am collecting the lids from cast off items and am considering wrapping them up as Christmas gifts.  :)


  1. omg, this was hilars. my kids aren't anti-lid but i get a lot of lets dump all the toys everywhere and pretend we can't pick them back up. mostly from the three year old who can wreck three rooms in the space of 12 minutes. and the older ones put emtpy things back in the pantry. grrr.

  2. "Crunchy jelly sandwich. Wtf?" had me lol-ing. OMG HILARIOUS! Thank you for this.