No Life Too Small

Last night we had to explain to our children what 9/11 was all about. Some knew the details, some did not and honestly, there's no good way to describe what all happened....what continues to happen around the world on a daily basis.  People...young and old, pass from this window rapidly or slowly, or somewhere in between and if you think on it too much, it starts to lose it's shock value.  You really wonder what those people thought or felt during their last moments and if somewhere, deep in their soul, as they did the same old, same old that day...did they know?  Did they grunt about the toothpaste not being put back in it's proper place, or skip packing lunch thinking they'd grab a bite elsewhere?  Were they hurried as they left their house for the last time and if they had known today was THE day, would they do anything differently?

I think on these things a lot.  It's a painful existence some days because I really do think about these things as the possibility they truly are, not some distant thing that may happen to someone else somewhere else.  It's always real to me.

And my choices tend to reflect that.  Pretty much everything I do.  My hobbies tend to leave tangible evidence of who I was and what I was doing and what I valued.  My days are spent not gathering money or accolades, but being in the thick of a crazy, messy life because in the end, if I knew I was leaving this planet, this is what I'd do.  I'd spend time with these people God gave me as family.  I'd tick off each second, asking myself "Did this matter?" and hopefully I can answer yes more often than not.

The problems the people in my life face range from big to small.  From a favorite stuffed animal lost in a too messy room to fear that the job one has selected will take more than it has to give.  We have dealt with heartbreak and dish break and messy and chaotic, sadness and happiness and more than our fair share of irritation.  It's life.  It's this thing...this crazy set of repeated motions we take for granted everyday, thinking we may just get to a point where the scenery changes before realizing what we're looking at is pretty awesome.

Today is good.  Today, even though the life I strive for hasn't quite happened yet....is awesome.  Today I am grateful to be alive and humbled again that I've been trusted with all that has been placed in my care.

And today, though things can change, as I well know....

Today....

I sitting on the hidden evidence of something very precious.  I carry within me a secret that only I can tell and a blessing only God can give.  And I know...I know through superstition and worry, we tend to hold back those things we aren't quite sure will make it through the entire course...

But...

Today, for today, I am the Momma of nine children.  Seven in my home, one in God's and one who we hope will make it through the journey....into our arms...and into our lives!

And so we celebrate life....a very small one, one not yet sure of what it will be or who it will becomes...but I am going to be happy because really no life is too small to be taken for granted...no in this house anyways ;)