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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My Immobile Life

Word on the street is....when you have a lot of will most certainly face dire consequences as your body wears out from all the abuse you are heaping on it.  Because everyone knows...a uterus is like a disposable razor.  Only meant for a couple uses ;)  After that, it's worn out...shot...done for.  Right?

Or so I'm told. And this pregnancy just might have convinced me of this if I didn't know better because those last few weeks....

SUCKED!!!! Hard!!!

I've had a few questions I'll address here for my five readers, just to clear the air.

First, am I ok?  Yep.  Perfectly perfect.  The pelvic issues I had suck and dear lord, it hurts, but it does not cause me any long term harm.  I was immobile, pretty much, the last two weeks.  Before that, I still got around, just painfully.  And the truth is...I did *everything* wrong.  I should have known better.  As soon as I started showing, hell, before that, I should have limited my activity to a reasonable level.  That doesn't mean sitting on my duff doing NOTHING, but I really shouldn't have been tearing out walls, shoveling chicken poo, moving hog pens or getting attacked by aggressive goats.  There were so many things I could have done to prevent the pain I ended up in, but I was stubborn.  I felt fine, so I WAS fine in my mind and I shot myself in know ;)  If there is a next time, I have been sufficiently scolded in a way my brain finally understands and I won't be doing stupid stuff when growing any future babies.  Lesson learned.

Also, this issue isn't about how many babies you've had.  Women get this with their first, second...and so on.  It's just a thing.  I am really excited that there's even a book (several actually) about this "thing" and in the UK it's such a "thing" that they have charities and websites around it's awareness. Bottom line, I'm not dying, there is much I can do to alleviate any future misery and I'm good.

Now, did any of that have anything to do with my NICU stay?  Uhm, no.  Not at all.  Corban had some issues with his lungs.  I don't know why.  I intend to research until my eyes bleed to get some answers, but my heart is really trying to brace itself for what I'll find.  I think I already know.  Interventions.  He needed to come when he was supposed to come, not evicted BUT supposedly he and I both had high blood counts upon his birth, so maybe he needed to come so he wouldn't get sicker.  I have no idea.  Those are answers I don't have yet, but there was a 19 year old year in the NICU with her first with the same round of issues.  Exact same.  One of those "shiz happens" moments that you just try to get through as best you can and let me tell you I handled it with way more grace than I would have when I was younger.  I was a basketcase over EVERYTHING and with this, I told myself (and I actually listened) "Take it one day at a hour...everything will be okay."

Nothing went as planned, but I am reminded as I follow a friend's blog....building a family is never some quick, easy, always joyous thing.  She's in China right now, adopting their baby boy and they are delayed because he had a mysterious rash that needed cleared up.  They knew they'd be there for two weeks, but that was extended until it was all sorted out.

Two weeks in a different country, with a different language, away from some of your children to bring home a new family member.  I had twoish weeks of sitting around, playing with yarn, being waiting on (which I freaking HATED, but not really a hardship).  I am again reminded of those who travel far and wide to bring home a child, those who spend months and years on a waiting list and spend far longer than two weeks just jumping all the hurdles to adopt here in the states and those who go through the lab rat scenario of doing IVF or any other medical thing to get pregnant...and realize, mine hurdle is somewhat minor.

The juice...yep...still worth the squeeze.  Were my issues something that could permanently damage my body...or if Corban was born with some "thing" that would be repeated....we'd be talking about changing course, but right now, we're still good to go.  Family fully intact, marriage still good, babies still cute.  We're good ;) (By the way....he was met with great fanfare.  I caught the two older girls discussing all the firsts they were excited to see again with their new baby brother.  My teenagers love my babies, though they are on the fence about toddlers and sassy 7 year olds...)

So on one of my last days, I decided to document what I did while I could barely move, for me....for the baby on his way into the world....for my children already here, so we could remember....

That it didn't last forever.  That having a servant heart is the path to blessing, that a short season can be a time of refinement even when you aren't DOING anything, but just being present in every single moment in a way you can't be when you are constantly moving...

All in all, as much as I was ready to be done with the nonsense of wasn't that horrible.  I am super thankful I don't live a permanently immobile life, but maybe everyone should take some time to sit and smell the goodness of the lives they are blessed with......

When I first wake up I stretch, stand up very slowly, take care of business then listen for the sounds of any little person stirring.  When I hear silence I know it's okay to grab some yarny project.  I'd usually read my Bible but I can't find it, must be downstairs.  I only go down the stairs once....and up the stairs once...per day....for now...Right now I am alternating between making granny squares from scrap yarns and weaving in the ends of my big blanket I want to take to the hospital, just to keep things from boring me to tears.....

The girls are already up and milking the goat, which is their chosen farm chore.  Miraculously no one has argued over who does what because they all  had certain preferences for which chore belong to who.  Calla hears me walking around and asks if I want her to "make" (microwave) some breakfast.  She bought foodz, Eli brought coffee which I consumed upstairs this morning because I have several things I need to do up here before I come down for the day....

Soon, I start to have visitors.  A cuddle buddy (Noah), a show and tell, (Eli-he made this chicken all by himself) and someone who isn't quite sure what needs done before her meeting with Dad tonight because they've switched some days around for checking and assigning work.

And then the Roo monster woke up and "chicken littled" Cassidy.  This is what they call it when she sees them first thing and wants only them and no one else, not even Mom.  One day I got so frustrated with her not wanting ME when she woke up that I made everyone stay out of my room and wouldn't let anyone in until she "chicken littled" me.  She does this every morning.  If you happen to be the first one she sets her eyes on, well, tag, you're it....She will throw herself down and have one mighty fit if that person even THINKS about setting her down and walking away. It's weird.

Alright, now time to get some work done.  I have to fix a couple mistakes the girls made on their books, so I am using nail polish remover and q-tips to get the paint off..

I also have to glue in the pictures they drew onto the pages they go with.  When the girls used markers or watercolors, I had them draw on separate paper so that nothing would bleed through the pages.

And since we had no idea if I'd make it to the last few classes, I bagged up all the craft stuff and wrote out instructions for what we'd be doing each class so that a stand in teacher could just pick up my notes and go.

My little helper :)

All done, packed up and ready for my next class.  I felt like it was important to have everything all neat and tidy just in case labor happened and I had to pass my suitcase off to a sub.  I did end up missing the last two classes and I haven't heard anything bad so I am assuming they went well ;)

Now to check on the man-child.  He's been awfully quiet.  He's "caught" doing school.  Pefectly perfect.  Asks if I need anything.  Awesome.  
Now back to my room to start the big dig for some fabric.  Today I told the kiddos I'd walk them through how to make drawstring bags.  We ran out of time before they were totally done so we still need to finish them!

In the meantime Noah has gone potty and gets his bribe.  The bunny is Mom's but I just wasn't into sweets at the time so there it sat.  He got a lollipop. I'm not above bribing children when it works and when you are sick and tired of dealing with icky pants.  Incentive sounds better than bribe, but any way you cut works.  His pants are clean.  

Finally we head down and Cassidy decides to make Ramen noodles for lunch, which....I hate because  it's not even food, in my opinion, but this is the very end of this season and Ramen it is.  I'll make them eat their weight in Brussel sprouts later.  

So I take the high road and eat a hot pocket.  Shut up.  It had broccoli in it.  

Then, WE GOT MAIL.  Not just envelope mail, but PACKAGE mail.  My order from SnugglePunkin has landed.  Oh my!! I did NOT order the bows.  Those were a freebie, which I didn't expect, but complaints here!!

And they were pretty and the kids loved them (see below) but these....oh my...these...When you've had a lot of children and don't technically NEED anything...and you have clothes and bottles and sheets and blankets, these are a very cool thing to order.  Burp cloths.  Very pretty ones, CUSTOM ones!  They are a pretty print on one side and very super soft terry on the other.  Let me tell you what, if my bean is going to spit up on me or drool or do something gross with snot, I'll still be smiling using THESE to clean up that nastiness.  Gorgeous and so affordable!

Aw, Noah loves the bow.  I personally think he rocks it!

And this picture didn't even GET the bow that she's sporting, but THAT FACE....sigh.  So cute!

Mom, I feel SOOOO Pretty!!!

After ten rounds of put the bow in and take the bow out...put the bow in and take the bow out, we were all sick and tired of the bows and bribe number 2 for the day came out.  "Peeps Big World..." which I always call "Peep Show..." and let me tell you what...It sounds really wrong to hollar down the stairs "Hey Calla, could you please put on the peep show for Roo?"  Yeah...

With toddlers happily distracted, we get down to business.  Showed them how to cut and sew and iron their bags....

Sat down while they did their thing on the machine and hollered at the walking q-tip to quit chewing my feet.  Thankfully he got busy licking something up off the floor....

Before I knew it....he was home....:) And wondered why the heck I was snapping a picture of him....

Worn out toddler!  Man, I hope she goes to bed okay tonight.  She's in between needing a nap and not needing a nap and she typically falls asleep way too late in the day!

We had dinner which I didn't document and then Dad did the Math routine.  Here, I'm pretty sure he's explaining to Kyle that all those pages ARE necessary because math is a  SKILL you need to PRACTICE in order to "get it..."  I hear this same conversation every single time they go over his assignments.  This time I"m like "Okay, just shush up.  No argument is going to get you out of it, so let's just skip that part...." He shut up.  

As they went through Math and then Bible study, I did this.  What I always do.  Keep those hands moving.

Then I wandered into the laundry room to switch it and took a quick glance...yep more laundry...needs done.  Those baskets should be empty if I was on top of things, which obviously I am not..Want to see??

No idea what has happened here?  I didn't SMELL any kind of explosives, but obviously some sort of bomb went off.  Such a total wreck.  This will be tomorrow's focus....

And then, Emory and I did a quick clean of the bathroom because it just wasn't clean enough for my liking.  I typically get so flipping tired of sitting by this time of night that I have to clean SOMETHING to keep my sanity intact.  

Before I head upstairs, I tidy my little couch nest for the next day, putting things back where they belong....

And tell Noah to pick out a book to bring upstairs...Apparently he's gone a bit pirate for this shot....and is still obsessed with the Halloween I-spy book despite owning 12 others.  No idea....

And then everyone piles into my room, loudly, jumps on the bed, tickling and screaming and going insane...because that's how they like to end the evening apparently...Jamie might be the biggest troublemaker of all and when he starts in, the whole crew just winds up SUPER fast ;)  Sometimes I mind...sometimes I don't....tonight, not too bad because they are filtering into the room in shifts instead of whole huge ball of craziness.

And tomorrow it will begin again....sit, knit, cuddle, talk....rinse, lather, repeat.

Looking back it wasn't HORRIBLE, but I do like being way busier during the day.  I like getting things DONE, getting my own coffee, being outside, etc, etc....

I end each day with a bit of quiet time in my rocking chair, reminding myself it won't be too much longer before I'll be up (half the night) and cleaning and sewing and creating and teaching...once again....

1 comment:

  1. Melissa! I have been thinking about you every day since you went to the hospital, and waiting for an update..... am sorry that it sounds like things didn't go the way you planned :-( Have you found out anything else about Corbin's lungs? I will pray PRAY that he will be able to be healed!!! PLEASE update about that as soon as you can, and even email me if that's easier! I hate the thought of you being in the NICU with him all the while I was thinking everything was fine. I hope that it is only a minor issue that can be fixed quickly and easily. ((((((((Melissa))))))))

    I so much enjoy your writing -- I'm always snickering as I read, and thinking, "YES, EXACTLY!" Your story about your day before the birth was funny and heartwarming!! I love your descriptions, you bring me right back to when my THREE kids were little, and acting the same way!! :-) I always wanted MORE, but that wasn't meant to be. I have peace about it, but now I'm talking my 15yr old daughter up about how GREAT large families are!! LOL

    STAY STRONG, dear friend!! I will be thinking of you constantly, and praying for GREAT NEWS for Corbin, and for God's peace for YOU. :-)
    And I'm always here if you want to email me for anything!!!