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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

If Money Can Fix It...

It ain't a problem....

This is a quote that has stuck with me, hard core, since its truth hit me one unexpected day.  I felt so enlightened with this tidbit filed into my brains Rolodex and remember sharing it with two people I was close to, at the same time and the elder said "Oh I don't agree...money could fix a whole lot of my problems..." and the other party was like "Right on sister..." and I was like...seriously you guys...you just don't get it.  I guess I could mention that both parties were riding the poverty line whereas my family is/was not and no matter where I went with that conversation, I was the loser.  I was a "have" and they were "have nots" and of course *I* would think that way since I had that luxury.

I'll be uncomfortably honest here for a moment.  Money couldn't bring back my deceased son.  It couldn't fix the gaping holes grief left in my marriage.  It cannot heal broken hearts, or cure cancer or even buy a smile if it's not attached to a good intention.  Money, on its own is a worthless concept we've created.

But it's necessary.  And I get that.  But....

Reaching back into my past, I've not had a good relationship with money.  My whole childhood there was this idea...this...hope, if you will, that we would win the lottery and all our (my parents) dreams would come true.  MONEY was the answer.   Not hard work, or self-control or resourcefulness.  Just money.  Easy money.  It's no big surprise that my parents have issues with gambling.  It's no surprise that when you ask them how must it cost to "win" that $100 they give you a blank stare or peg you as some negative nelly just trying to rain on their parade (even though you're just you know...doing math....but whatever...)  My mother's whimsical fantasy, which she spoke of, often was always some sort of deal with the cosmos about the GOOD she would do "If only I won the lottery.....I could help SO many people..."  With money.  Money. Money. Money.  Barf.

(and shudder).

And then I began my family broker than broke.  But happy.  I think this was the first time I ever really understood how money never did buy happiness.  Jamie and I had none, but we had so much.  Livin' on love I suppose.  It didn't stop us from doing, being, helping and loving people.  As our family grew, we needed more to take care of more and so we did what we thought best...worked harder.  No, seriously.  We did.  Lots of things, too much to detail  here, but eventually we got to a place after years and years of doing what most people aren't willing to do to reach a state of financial okayness.  (I don't like the term financial security because...well...security is so vague..."if money can fix it...it ain't a problem..." and all...)  We're okay.  We save, slowly. We work on retirement crap and we feed, clothe and educate our children...but so do people who make much less and so really it's not money that I'm thankful for, it's opportunity and God and resourcefulness and hard work....

But now I'm in between a rock and a hard place.  I've signed up to sell something and I'm making money with it and this is VERY different than freelance writing because the potential to make a LOT of money is there, lingering.  I'm not some pie in the sky dreamer who fantasizes about big riches and glory.  If I am to be completely blunt (which is what y'all expect from me anyways) it terrifies me.  (As an aside every now and then Jamie will buy a lotto ticket and my dread is that we'd hit ANY of the numbers that brought more into this house than we'd reasonably see in a lifetime.  I would consider it a curse, not a blessing.)  I'm supposed to be building my team and signing people up and I've looked at the numbers and done a little research, a little studying and I'm pretty damn sure that anyone who gets in on this opportunity within the next couple of years is going to be very glad they did and those who thought about it and didn't...are going to be very sorry they didn't....I've always shrugged off things like this because I DETEST bullshit.  (Again, sorry about the bluntness) The "Sign up today...easy money...work from home..do nothing..." Just no.  I can't do it.  And I'm not being asked to, I can assure you of that.  The company and my leaders, at least, are pretty honest, which I value.  But the thing is, we have to...we simply have to present the financial aspect of the opportunity and I've seen the numbers myself...and well, they are appealing, if money appeals to you.  But I feel so...like..right now just typing out this blog, SO ANXIOUS about even "going there" with anyone because I so badly want to say 'Okay this thing...it's going to require hard work and stepping outside the box and putting yourself out there...but I can only sign you up if you are honest and will promise, promise to help your customers and not make a quick buck off of them AND....please understand this...you are probably going to make a good bit of money and you're going to like it but please, please understand....it will NOT fix the problems you think it will fix.  It will make the grocery store less scary and clothes shopping less stressful and maybe you'll be able to spend a weekend somewhere besides your bathroom scrubbing off the nasty gunk because you'll have hired someone else who needs the hob to do it but PLEASE....do not think it will fix things.  If your marriage is in trouble, this won't fix it...and if you have a rocky relationship with your kid or kids, please work on that instead of buying them shit they don't need...."  And y'all this isn't my job and I get that, but having to face this...it sucks.  And y'all are probably thinking "Dude, it's selling nail wraps, how on earth can you get so emotional about uhm...nail wraps..." and I get it, it's lame, but this is how I really feel.  Like if I flaunt the numbers and the idea of financial blessing, I am saying "Money fixes shit..." and it doesn't.
And I feel all these feelings over something that doesn't actually require me to feel anything like this...but here I am.....I am really struggling with this.  Like I have to have a pre-marital-Jamberry-sign-up counseling session.  Like one of the big selling points in sharing this with people is "you really can make money pretty easy as long as you wear the wraps..." and I have a hard time saying that because I picture this poor soul wearing them for like five days and giving up because they didn't "make a ton of money..."  Because really it's not easy. This isn't easy.  You have to care about people long after the sale.  You had to have cared about them BEFORE you ever made the sale.  You have to care about them..if you NEVER make a sale...and well, if you don't...or can't...you will fail at this and ....at life....

I'll never make what Jamie does and I never want to.  I've seen that man bust his arse for 17 years to make that "six figure income" (God I hate that...like when we sold Herbalife people said that all the time.  They never said I make such and such a year...always "six figure income..."  that one phrase is like nails on a chalkboard to me...but again, I digress)  But I do want to be successful at this because I love it. Because it's fun and because I want to help other people and this is a way I can do, but it feels like as soon as money is involved, as soon as I saw my commission...I felt guilty and bad like I didn't deserve to make any money and that's a whole other ball of wax.....

I still believe, with every ounce of my being, that money doesn't fix things.  It doesn't fix the BIG things anyway.  It certainly didn't fix mine.

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