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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Reality Check

Okay, I know what you're thinking.   You're thinking I'm an obnoxious, braggart who thinks very highly of herself by constantly mentioning writing, what I'm working on and how funny it all is.  But, you've got it all wrong....

You see, I've always had dreams of being a really real writer.  I pictured myself in fuzzy socks, yoga pants, a baggy sweater pounding out deep and meaningful prose, whilst tucked in the woods, or on a mountain, in a cabin somewhere.  I've wanted to be a writer since...well...forever.  And I know, I've talked about writing and being paid and thinking it's all grand and wonderful, but let's examine that a little further.

I have messages sent to me with words like "Great Job!!" and "Brilliantly Crafted," and you might think I'm gloating a bit by these words, but you can't see me cracking up behind my computer screen and why would I?  Because that great job was given for an article on Pest Control and I "brilliantly crafted" a story about snoring.  And I got paid for it.  Follow me here for a minute, because you're probably still scratching your head (or laughing yourself if you've ever written)  This is like someone coming up behind you while you are brushing your teeth and saying, "WOW!!!  You're doing an AMAYYYYZIG job!  Here's $10!"  Really?  Wouldn't you kind of stare, nervously giggle and want to run off with that ten bucks before the person realized you did nothing special to deserve it?  That's how I feel everyday.

I am sitting here with a baby on my lap, kids all around me, washer and dryer humming in the background, kids being annoying and typing a bunch of crap to describe flower arrangements.  Glamorous much?  No.  So I get a little uncomfortable at the thought of anyone thinking I'm a really real writer or that I'm full of myself or any of that.  Don't worry, I'm still good old self-depreciating Melissa.  It's what I do best.  I figured out that it's my edge ;)

I've also found out that being under contract, which is what really real writers have to deal with, is terrifying and sort of suffocating   Am I sure I really want this?  No, not really but when I'm not pounding out sales copy and SEO articles, I have actually moved into the realm of really real writing and it turns out I don't exactly love it as much as I thought it would.  When my name is attached to something, it makes me a little bit nervous because if someone hates it, than they hate ME, not the b/s writing I've turned in for a few bucks.  Sigh.  But because it's still a dream of mine, I will continue to pursue writing with my heart instead of my smart ass and one day maybe I'll gain momentum to submit my writing in greener pastures again one day.  For now, it's all about the flowers, recycling, home beauty and how to cook fish and maybe a little something that will actually have my name on it.

Maybe.  Still waiting.  Terrified, although I did get some initial feedback.  Wanna see?

They're great! I love the conversational tone, self-deprecation/humility, and humor; they're exactly the articles someone considering homeschooling would love to read. 

These have my name attached to them.  I'm dying.  I don't know where they will be published or what's happening, but I fulfilled my contract and am waiting because I just now sent my invoice.  And it kind of sucks to toil and sweat and freak out over something and then wait.  At least when I'm bullshitting about how important organic carrot juice is (I totally made that up) I know at the end of that ten minute, I get paid.

Reality Check.  I'm a writer because I write.  And yes,  a grocery list counts.  (And I'm kind of wondering how the writing making you a writer relates to all other activities I do everyday.  Especially intimate ones...Hmmm...something to think about)

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