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Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Ties That Bind: To My Husband on Father's Day

Dear Jamie,

So, we did get you a card.  It was cutesy and I know it came in the house with the rest of our Walmart loot, but the truth is, we can't find it. As soon as we do, we'll present it with fanfare but you do know it couldn't have possibly been enough words for my liking.  You know how much I like words, and since I like them so much, that's what I'm giving you this Father's Day.  My hope is that you'll like them a little more than the sack of cherries we got you ;)

You said something to me last night....about how TV Shows kind of piss you off because the married couples actually have time to spend together, even though they supposedly have kids.  Those kids are never around and they have time to hang out, talk, and you know, be married.  It's unrealistic you said, but really what you were expressing was how often we lament the lack of one on one time together, because let's face it....we don't get to nearly as much as we'd like.  We're parents.  That's how it goes.

And I know you think that those times draw us closer together as husband and wife, and they do, they really do, but Jamie you have no idea how close you draw me with the time you spend as a father.  You had my heart before children burst onto the scene, but once they did....that's what I really started to know you.  That's when all you are started to shine and when you started wrapping my heart with a million tiny strings that meant we'd be tied together forever.

Every time I walked into a room and saw you snoozing away with a sleeping baby on your chest...

Every time I heard squeals of delight and came to inspect, then saw you were at the center of my children's happiness....

Every time I caught you in the act of teaching these kids something and having fun with it.......

Every time you knew something you could do would change their world for the better and did it.....

Every time you've held one our new babies and stared at them in awe like they were the first.....

Every time you've taught a child to do something when it would be so much easier to do it yourself...

Every time you could have said "Kids, I'm trying to study...." but let them play at your feet because you would not allow your career to interfere with your role as The Dad.

You have always sought to serve your family and are keenly aware that the time we have with our children is, in the grand scheme of things, very brief.  You remind me often, but you're better at it than I am.....I get so caught up in the here and now and if it weren't for you, I'd miss it.  You've taught me to slow it down a bit and pay attention to these fleeting moments.

You know, Jamie, romance is all about showing the other person how much you love them.  It's spending time together and making sure the other person really sees your heart, but all that time you've spend with them instead of me....I saw you.

I saw you pass up time to spend doing something you love to build birdhouses with Eli.

I saw you spend over an hour with a teenager on the edge, even after a blowup and I saw you move him to tears.  You wouldn't let go no matter how hard he pushed you away and you stood that precious ground until his heart was softened and that relationship was restored.

I saw your fabulous teal toenails after a spa day with your diva daughter and the delight on her face as you showed them off.

I saw you wresting all over the un-vacuumed floor after noticing Noah was in dire need of some rough and tumble time.

I saw you rushing to get your work clothes off after a long, painful day of school to get working on the list you made to ensure you served everyone in between your long hours of study...making sure all the children got a little bit of you, on their terms, even though that meant nothing on that list served you.

I see you taking the kids fishing when I know how much you enjoy doing it alone and I've seen you hand your most prized possession to your young son without a second though. Every time I'm looking for you, I find you with one of our precious children, investing in their lives.

No, we don't have a lot of alone time.  We never have.  We started this parenting gig not too long after we got together and from that day, we decided these children would be the center of all the reasons we do everything we do.

What you don't realize is that every second you spend with your children, you are spending them with mine.  With me.  My heart is tied up with theirs and your love for them shows your love for me.  It's not quiet and softly-lit one on one bubble baths with champagne, but that loud, obnoxious craziness that only a house full of children can provide...and even above the noise and the chaos...I see you as only I could when you shine the most...

When you're being The Dad.

I love you more than I could ever express and am so thankful that you are the father I get to be a mother with.

Happy Father's Day.

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