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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Pollyanna Must Die

There are many things I've never quite understood in the land of Girl World, but one of my major lapses in understanding is the propensity for griping about one's spouse.  I can always size someone up as compatable with me, friendship wise, by how they speak about they person they have chosen to partner up with and if the stream of words from one's mouth leans heavily towards the negative I know that we won't have much in common in which to form a solid friendship. (That could also be because once they start that up, I tend to share my opinion on what they are saying and that doesn't go over real great when someone is seeking sympathy for the injustice they are quite sure they are living among...) 
Now all that being said, I realize there are times when one's partner gets on their last damn nerve.  I am not living in some happy cloud of rainbows all the time. I know, personally, there are times when I need to vent in frustration when there's an issue that's not getting settled as quickly, or in the manner I'd like it to be solved.  I have one person I turn to when this is the landscape because, and I cannot stress this enough, she will absolutely not jump on my side.  She will tell me flat out "Well, you are kind of being an ass."  That is what a real friend does.  She doesn't automatically take my side out of loyalty to the female gender and I like that.  I really do.

In reality though, when it comes to my husband, there isn't a whole lot to complain about.  The man is amazing.  Let me count the ways:

1. He's good looking (He would disagree, but since I am the one who has to look at him, I feel my opinion in this matter is the only one of any consequence.) He's yummy to my eyes!
2. The man is the absolute best father I have EVER been around.  Sometimes I watch him with the children and think "Damn, wonder what it's like to have THAT kind of Dad..."  Seriously, he is just amazing when it comes to our children.  He's fun where I am a stick in the mud.  He's calm when I am a raving lunatic.  He does things like hand his "cost several thousand dollars" banjo to the child that has begged him to learn, so he could gauge the real interest level of that child before getting a smaller, more moderately priced version.  What's his is theirs. 
3. He's the perfect partner in parenting, on my end.  There is only one thing I do, parenting wise, that he doesn't: Breastfeeding.  Everything else, from changing diapers, to brushing a girl's ratty hair, he has jumped in, never deciding anything to do with the children is MY job.  I REALLY love that about him. 
4. There is nothing he can't do it seems.  Everything he has set his mind on doing, he's done...and done well.  And much of his success has been of the quiet variety because that's also his way: Humble.  Most people that interact with him on a daily basis wouldn't know these amazing things about him.  Things that had I accomplished, I would give it out, list style to every person I meet.  You know, just so they knew how awesome I was right off the bat. (I am thinking I need to work on that humble thing...)
5. He's smart.  Or insanely stupid, which can look like smart to others, but is actually just smart taken one step too far, if you catch my meaning.... He was in a really hard degree program out in New Mexico, while maintaining a 40 hour per week job in management at a national lab, WHILE still doing the Math part of our homeschooling AND making sure he alloted time to spend with each of his children on a very regular basis because in his mind, what's the point of working so hard that you lose the most important thing.  How is this smart?  Because he graduated with almost a 3.7.  His degree?  Nuclear Engineering.  Not basket weaving to say the least.  Smart, smart, smart.  (However, this kind of smart needs a certain level of understanding in the marriage department.  I once sent him into the store to get THREE items.  2 bottles of water and a pack of gum.  He came out with 1 bottle of water and a pack of gum, apologetically explaining that he KNEW there were three things he was supposed to get, but couldn't for the life of him remember what the third item was....Yeah...)
6. He texts me things like "Hey! What can I do today to make your life a little better when I get home?" He says phrases like "I love that you knit, that is so neat.." (be still my heart) or "I don't see why spending that much on a yarn you really love is excessive....does it cost as much as my banjo did?" (swooning) and of course the classic "I love you.." AND he calls me Melissa Coffeycake, which endears me to him more than it should.  It's cute.  I love it.

I could keep numbering this list well past 100, but that's not exactly the point of this post.  Just wanted to establish My Husband: Really Amazing Man.  So, we've got that cleared up and we can move on.

So there's one area in life my husband has struggled with quite a bit.  Discontentment.  He's had a hard time seeing the bright side of things when they aren't going exactly as he had planned and had often told me that it was a quality in me that he was envious of.  He would often say he thought I was a better person because of my level of contentment in all things (better person?  yeah, right..this really just boiled down to being grateful for the small things that aren't normal occurences, like oh, going ot the bathroom alone, or eating something without someone grabbing food from my plate...)  It was something he decided he had to work on because without contentment, everything looks bleak.  To be content is not to be happy, or full, it's just being settled in where you are, with what you have. 

Because he is a deeply spiritual type person, he has prayed about this for some time. He has studied what contentment is and why he should seek it.  He's sat at the feet of the Master and asked for contentment.   Seek and ye shall find and all that good stuff.

And apparently, he has found it.  Over the course of the past few months, the man I thought couldn't get any better, has gotten a lot better.  His battle, or at least this war in the battle, has been overcome, steadily, wholely, fully.  He has found contentment. 

And the other day that really pissed me off....

Now, with 7 children, it can be a challenge to find some alone time.  You know, ALLLONE time *wink, wink* and if we want it, we have to work for it.  The other night, we made the decision to work for it.  The plan was "Get Baby To Sleep" and do That Thing which happy adults do regularly.  The plan was solid.  Everyone was settled, except baby, who usually has a specific MO when it comes to "Go the Fudge To Sleep" (dude have you heard that book??? FUNNY!!)

It was a marathon.  Walk, rock, nurse, walk, put her in her swing (which probably made the whole thing worse...lying together during the minutes we had her in her swing) nurse, walk, rock some more...Baby No Sleeping...

Around 11:00 we gave up because some of those night hours need to be alloted for sleep if one hopes to function the next day.  At the magical hour when we realized it just wasn't happening my Inner Brat met his (newly found) Inner Pollyanna and they faced off.

Me: This just sucks
Him: It's okay, just lying together for a bit was really nice
Me: No it wasn't. That sucked.
Him: No, it didn't.  I really enjoyed that.
Me: I didn't. This totally just sucks
Him: You are having a bad attitude.  You should be grateful we had any time at all.
Me: Nope, not grateful.  Sucks.
Him: We'll try again soon
Me: Bet it will suck then too.
Him: No it won't. Quit that. 
Me: Nope.

There were a few more words before we settled down to go to sleep (of course the baby was more than willing to nod off to sleepy land once she was cuddled into me) Words like "Suck" "this sucks" "that sucked" but I am pretty sure they fell on deaf ears because my husband has a special relationship with his pillow in that most nights once his head meets it, he is granted a blissful sleep.  I hate that.

In the morning (he gets up an at ungodly hour to do that work thing), he was just as chipper as the night before.  He kisses me on the head, good-bye and whispers "Thank you for cuddling with me last night.  That was really nice."

Me: No it wasn't.  It sucked.
Him: I don't care what you say, I enjoyed it.
Me: I didn't.  It sucked.
He laughs.
Me: Dude, just admit it sucked. Embrace the suckage that was our night last night.  It was not 'nice, enjoyable, or something to be grateful for. The word you are looking for is 'SUCKED."
Him: I am just happy for what time we DO get to spend together, not mad about what time we don't get.

The dude has taken this contentment thing too far, in my humble opinion.  He's embraced his inner Pollyanna with a gusto even I didn't see coming.   She has totally stripped his vocabulay of the essential words like "Sucks" and I am not sure how I feel about that.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy he's found his Contentment.  I wanted that.  I wanted it really bad, but I wasn't looking for some kind of little girl glad that is the essence of goodness at all times....I wasn't looking for my big burly man to morph into Pollyanna.  (That's MY gig, thankyouverymuch) and quite frankly, I'm feeling kind of hostile towards her right now...and kind of thinking....

That "da bitch" has it coming....Pollyanna must die.  (Or at the very least keep her happy ass away from my man when it comes to our ALONE time.  Dude, if there was ever a time to embrace the concept of "SUCKS" it would be now.....)

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